Inside His Head
by Mislav
Summary: It's a struggle, being in love with four people in the same time, and being unable to reach them for different reasons. Derek!various, both het and male slash. Oneshot, set in season five. Rated M because of the sexual content and language.


**A/N: I don't own any of the Criminal Minds characters and I am not making any money from writing this.**

**Please forgive any minor spelling or grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.**

**This story takes place in season five, all four parts take place in the same time.**

**Penelope Garcia**

Penelope was special: funny and quirky, in an adorable and fun away, no other team member or any other person that he had ever met prior to meeting her could match up to that, actually. Sassy yet sweet and caring, attractive but not vain or pushy or anything.

They had the bond that he never realized how strong: until that time in Alaska. He still remembered everything about it: the way she looked at him, the way she cried, how her hair smelled, what he had said to her.

Since then, he would often wonder has he come to feel something more than friendly feelings towards her. He would often think about asking her out even and would always come up with all sorts of possible scenarios as to how she would react. Some of it good, some of it bad, some bordering on ridiculous, but none were impossible.

But Penelope had Kevin; there was always the possibility that the relationship wouldn't work out, leading their cherished friendship never being the same again; and he didn't want to make both himself and her feel bad in case her feelings weren't mutual.

Their friendship turned out to be great and horrible in the same time: they had a strong bond, but it couldn't grow stronger, not without much risks of everything going wrong and being reduced to a zero.

**Spencer Reid**

That cold February night, not long before the Valentine's Day, he found himself staring at Spencer from the distance, through the glass, and thinking how much he wanted to press his lips against Reid's, pull him in a deep passionate kiss and run his hands through his hair, inhale his smell and feel Spencer's breath invade his mouth.

He found it adorable: the way Spencer would just think of all those informations and spoke them in an awe, like the mere fact that he had been-possibly-helping them solve the case was an immense joy for him. And he felt... that he was close to him... he identified himself with that cute, slightly broken boy. He never felt that way about a man before.

But he knew, from his own experience, that, if you hold on to something broken too tightly, if you grab on to it too fast, you can break it again, all over again. So he decided to stay a friend with Spencer and nothing more.

Until the next time.

**JJ**

It had been a torture, really. Delightful, even fun at times, but still a torture. Working with her on a daily basis, knowing that he couldn't possibly have her due to numbers of reasons-Will, work ethics-and in the same time wanting her so bad.

Everything about her kept driving him crazy. Attracting him. Often arousing him to an amounts he couldn't even believe were possible. Everything about her, to him, looked beautiful and attractive and sexy: her hips, face, hair, breasts. The way she would talk, laugh, the frown that would form on her face while she would think long and hard about the case, trying to figure out the unsub's next move or at least understand his or hers motive.

Luckily, he still had his work and, not so luckily, he still had his other... interests to deal with, so much that he would often come, manage to ignore his instincts, the desire that he had felt towards her, to downplay it at least, suppress it somehow, and he would enjoy in that blissful worrylessness. Sometimes, he would even start thinking, or at least a faint hope would appear, that he had gotten over her. But, every time, the feelings-need-that he felt towards her would come back. He would find himself just... looking at her during the long nights at the office, or suddenly think about her during his morning shower; some... parts of her would start flashing in front of his eyes, he would feel that tingly feeling go down his gut, eventually he would feel a rush of blood go you know where, and once again she became an object of his... he would prefer to end that sentence with some classy word like "desire", but he couldn't help but feel that "obsession" would have been the more correct term.

It didn't help the fact that they seemed to grow closer over time, she would even playfully call him "pretty boy" at times (he was sure that it was some sort of a prank set up by Reid-he always suspected that boy wonder wasn't too found of that nickname). That night, for some reason, probably to distract himself from such thoughts, he invited Rossi to come check out that new night club with him the next night: David, without much thinking, asked JJ to join them. Great. Somehow, he ended up thinking of a dress, that black low cut one-he didn't remember where he saw it-and he thought about how it would look on JJ: the mere thought of her naked legs showing under the black silk material made a jolt go down his stomach and he even blushed a little-that didn't happen to him, love wise, since he was nineteen. He hadn't been that horny since then either.

After work, he went to the bar to relax himself if anything, but the bright reflection of lights in his glass of scotch reminding him of JJ's hair. He thought about call it a night...

"It looks like you could use some company."

Derek looked away at the sound of young woman's voice emerge near by and widens his eyes upon seeing a gorgeous blonde taking a sit next to him, a glass of martini in her hand. Low cut dress, though a blue one, and black high heeled shoes.

He thought about what to do for a moment before forming a small smile and saying: "Sure, why not?"

They had a few drinks and a nice conversation that soon turned into a playful flirting. He hadn't remembered much about her, except that she worked in a marketing agency, had recently moved and her name started with M. Within two hours, they were in his apartment, his bedroom, kissing passionately. It didn't take long before they ended up lying naked on his bed, him on top of her, his erection standing high and proud. He looked at the woman's face, lust evident in her eyes, and couldn't help but notice how similar some of her facial features were to JJs, but he closed his eyes and tried to chase that thoughts away as he pushed in.

Derek moaned at the feeling of woman's wet warm vagina muscles pulse against his shaft, the sound of her moaning at the entrance sending shivers down his spine. He began thrusting in and out of her with all of his might, his balls slap against her warm aching clit, every clit sending a rush of pleasure go through Derek's body, blonde's moans increasing with each push. She felt thousands of small jolts linger in her muscles once Derek pressed his fingers hard against her flushed flesh, fondling at her left breasts for a moment before wrapping his lips around her erected nipple, his tongue circling around it gently before nibbing at it's top.

"Derek...", she cried out as shear delight took over her senses, and she couldn't help but cream her pussy once the swollen head of his penis hit against her bean shaped G-spot. It isn't long before she comes, grooping at his back tightly as a pool of her juices splashed down his length. He feels his cock throb and gives her a few more hard thrust before he comes too, his orgasm almost mind numbing.

"JJ...", he whispered, not realizing what he had said until it was too late.

"Mandy!", the blonde shrieked, and cold chill washed over Derek's body instantly, lump forming in his throat as a pure horror became evident in his eyes that just so happened to lock with J... Mandy's in the worst possible time. He felt like her piercing stare was burning through his skull. "Did you seriously just call me another woman's name while fucking me?"

Many things had happened regarding Derek's love life by that point, he had tried almost everything sex related, but that was the first time the whole "wrong name" sex-thing happened to him.

The increasingly intense silence was interrupted by the sound of his ringtone going off.

Both his and Mandy's face turned to look at his smartphone, that was laying on the near by cupboard. Derek sighed in relief, feeling some of the warmth rush back up to his cheeks and some... other areas. But that relief was short lived.

The text on the screen read: It's a deal. See you tomorrow, pretty boy.

Signed: JJ.

He turned to lock eyes with his by that point sure to be a one night stand, looking for Mercy more than anything. It didn't end up pretty, but luckily it didn't last long either: a simple slap over the face and she was out of his bed, picking up her clothing furiously and leaving within five minutes. She made sure to call him every name in the book before leaving, but he was beyond caring by that point.

He had to get that girl out of his mind.

**Emily Prentiss**

For some reason, she always looks away from him once the time is right. Their eyes never meet once she reached climax, she never looks at him while crying out his name at the feeling of wild pleasure taking her over.

His name always comes off as a faint whisper that more escaped than leaves her flaiming red lips: he always makes sure to burry his face into a side of her neck and gently bite at her eat before whispering her name into it's shell even before riding the waves of his orgasm and giving her a creampie.

Mihe then removes himself from her and, before his back hit against the mattress, she is already pulling at her panties, still refusing to look at him, and without saying a word. He wouldn't even believe what had just taken place if there weren't for a fresh hickey on her right shoulder: she immediately put her T-shirt on, like she wants to conceal it, like that would erase an evidence. Something ached in his chest at the sight. Then he noticed a slight scratch marks on his chest: it didn't look nice and the air was kinda chilly, but he decided not to cover himself.

It had always been like that. Officially, they had been friends, pretty good ones, he had to admit, and nothing more: but sometimes, somehow, after another lonely night at the office, they would go out for a walk or a drink or a dinner even, sometimes all of the above, and they would always end up at her place-or, that last time, at his place-kissing passionately and pulling at each other's clothing with an energy one wouldn't even consider possibly. They would make love, go their separate ways after the sweet relief was done, say nothing about what had happened.

Maybe he should have forced the issue, made her talk about that new element in their relationship. But with so many things-and people-happening and not happening regarding his love life, maybe he was better off the way it had been: just shut up and enjoy yourself.

At least he had somebody to keep him warm at night from time to time, even if only for a hour or two. And there was still hope, no matter how faint.


End file.
